Yes, you’re absolutely right, and as it says in the article, ‘ Of course if they are in front of an actual danger, we help anxiety do its job and get them out of the way of that danger, but that’s not the anxiety we’re talking about here.’

We have to remember that anxiety has a very important job to do – to keep us safe by warning us of danger and readying our bodies with the physical resources to deal with that danger. That’s the whole point of anxiety – to steer us away from tigers in the bathroom, dark alleys, tricky people. We don’t want to push through all anxiety – sometimes danger will be on the other side of it. Similarly, we don’t always want to be turned away by anxiety – sometimes something growthful and worth it will be on the other side. The key is knowing the difference, and being able to sit with annxiety and move forwards with it when we need to.

It’s not the anxiety that’s the problem. It’s the response. We need to decide if the danger is real or not, and respond accordingly. If the danger is ‘scary-safe’ (feels scary but is safe, such as brave, new, hard things or things that matter), we need to respond differently to the way we would respond to an actual danger. Anxiety becomes intrusive when we blur the two, and stay away from things that are actually safe or good for us. This is where the work is for our children – deciding when anxiety is a stop sign, and when it’s a warning.♥️

If there is a tiger in the bathroom, and you acknowledge my anxiety, validate me, tell me that I’m brave, then send me into the bathroom, I am not going to survive. For some of us, the things giving us anxiety are hurting us and they need to be changed, not us.

If I am being bullied at school, have a learning disability, am autistic/ADHD, have PTSD, no amount of support or “resilience” is going to change the fact that school is hell for me. What will make the anxiety go away is accommodations like: stopping the bullying, testing for disabilities and supporting them, noise cancelling headphones, a trauma informed teacher, school, environment.

My kids struggles at school to the point of suicide. My son was diagnosed with school phobia. The thought of school sent his nervous system into overdrive BECAUSE IT WASN’T SAFE (capitals for emphasis, not shouting). He needed time for is body to regulate, tools, medication, and ultimately an incredible, trauma informed school where he could confront his phobia on his terms and timeline. As of now he has enough points to graduate and a guaranteed entry to us preferred degree. He is 16yo and needed a different way of learning for his brain.

All of this is correct, but there is a yes, and…. that needs to be included.